Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I'M HOME!!!!

I was just re-reading my last post and all of your sweet comments. I promised to return with testimonies of God's goodness and He has not disappointed. It amazes me that those three names I asked you all to pray for were, just a few short weeks ago, nothing but names to me. Now they are full of meaning. People that I love, know, and miss being around.

I was constantly amazed that I even cared, much less had a passion to share about who God was to me. A year ago I could have taught the Bible just as any Pharisee could have taught the law: boldly perhaps, but without joy or lasting change in myself or anyone else. Now, what Who I believe makes a difference in my life and I no longer doubt that it He can make a difference in other's lives. I have Someone worth sharing and He is so much more than a law, a religion, or a book. (Yes, even the inspired book.)

My "wisdom searches" or "God searches," as I preferred to call them, were a continual act of faith. Just because I was passionate about what I shared did not guarantee that it made any sense to others as I jabbered about it. But, God did good things in spite of my jabbering and even, sometime, through and in my jabbering! As I was saying, God is good.

Many girls went home knowing God in a more personal way than when they arrived. Excel is a place for girls to admit that they have questions, doubts and fears about God; a place to admit that they have believed and acted on lies. It is also a place for them to bring all of these to God in honesty and find that He is not offended or surprised. In fact, they find that the more honest they are with themselves and Him the closer they are to Him.

As God taught me what I was teaching others, that without Him I can do nothing, and with Him I can do all things, He began applying it to prayer. He taught me to trust Him to pray through me according to His will and leave all the questions up to Him. This is a miracle to me.

Although many or most of you have heard me pray, just believe me that I am a good actor. When I would decide to pray, in a group or by myself in the woods, I would literally almost choke on the words. I may be dramatic, but I'm not that dramatic; besides, I really wanted to pray.

Sometimes I just felt silly, sometimes I felt that I was trying to shout to someone on pluto, sometimes my mind just wandered, sometimes I knew my heart was so hard that I needed God and that God was the only person I couldn't connect with because I had a hard heart. Consequently, my "prayer life" was limited to 15 minutes of trying about twice a month. What God taught me about prayer during Excel was only a small step towards becoming a prayer warrior, and a giant leap towards trusting God.

This is a small random snippet of what I want to tell you all. I trust God that He put something worthwhile here.


Bailey said...

Wow!Your time at excel sounds wonderful =)Like something i might one day do, well not go back and be a leader but just go to excel=)maybe.Glad you are home =D

Anonymous said...

Wow Lauren you sound like a poet


Feeny Family said...

I'm so glad you're home and had a wonderful time! Love you, Lauren.

~Melissa Feeny

Cassie said...

Naun...You're back!!! I still can't figure out how I talked to Gracie on teh phone for two hours the other night without even saying a word to you. But it's ok...Gracie and I had a priceless conversation.

If we could manage a 2 hour phone call on any subject it must have been priceless :) I'm expecting many more priceless conversations (in person) with you included in the future :) Love you!


Jesse said...

hey Lauren! your back! so glad you had such a great time! God is working through you in some amazing ways!
love you! =D

girl of God said...

Hey Lauren,
I'm glad you had such a good time at Excel. I'm not gonna tell you who this is. But, I must tell you the name I sign this as is a hint. Hope to see you soon. :)

Girl of God