I was constantly amazed that I even cared, much less had a passion to share about who God was to me. A year ago I could have taught the Bible just as any Pharisee could have taught the law: boldly perhaps, but without joy or lasting change in myself or anyone else. Now,
My "wisdom searches" or "God searches," as I preferred to call them, were a continual act of faith. Just because I was passionate about what I shared did not guarantee that it made any sense to others as I jabbered about it. But, God did good things in spite of my jabbering and even, sometime, through and in my jabbering! As I was saying, God is good.
Many girls went home knowing God in a more personal way than when they arrived. Excel is a place for girls to admit that they have questions, doubts and fears about God; a place to admit that they have believed and acted on lies. It is also a place for them to bring all of these to God in honesty and find that He is not offended or surprised. In fact, they find that the more honest they are with themselves and Him the closer they are to Him.
As God taught me what I was teaching others, that without Him I can do nothing, and with Him I can do all things, He began applying it to prayer. He taught me to trust Him to pray through me according to His will and leave all the questions up to Him. This is a miracle to me.
Although many or most of you have heard me pray, just believe me that I am a good actor. When I would decide to pray, in a group or by myself in the woods, I would literally almost choke on the words. I may be dramatic, but I'm not that dramatic; besides, I really wanted to pray.
Sometimes I just felt silly, sometimes I felt that I was trying to shout to someone on pluto, sometimes my mind just wandered, sometimes I knew my heart was so hard that I needed God and that God was the only person I couldn't connect with because I had a hard heart. Consequently, my "prayer life" was limited to 15 minutes of trying about twice a month. What God taught me about prayer during Excel was only a small step towards becoming a prayer warrior, and a giant leap towards trusting God.
This is a small random snippet of what I want to tell you all. I trust God that He put something worthwhile here.