Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Goodbye notes

Dear all,
this Thursday I am leaving my sweet little home for the dark ages. In short, this blog will not be updated till some time after November 11th.

I leave on Thursday to become a team leader in the infamous girls discipleship program EXCEL.
For those who have asked I have compiled a short prayer request list.
please pray for:

1. The hearts of the girls who are coming.
They may be anywhere in their spiritual walk from not believing in God to having believed since they were three. Some don't want to be at Excel. Excel 29 is currently the smallest ever with only about 24 students. An average class is usually around 60. The noted difference in size makes me wonder what God is up to. Are these girls going to be the type that we are really grateful they are only three to a team instead of nine or more? Or does God just want us to take our eyes off of numbers to give us a glimpse of what He sees? There are three girls on my team their names are Celeste, Kelsey, and Carri.

2. The team leaders
There are seven of us, we will be going through our own behind-the-scenes discipleship class as we help make these girls successful in this one. We are only barely a step ahead of these girls, in that we have been through Excel and already 'know the ropes', yet we will be the ones they look up to.

3. For me, that I would learn to pray.
As God continues to build me from the 'great spiritual crash' in the summer of '06, I believe that trusting Him to teach me how to pray is next on His agenda. It is a slow process however, and I feel like I've been put in the real sword fight before I have been taught. On the advice of a friend, who didn't even know that I had been thinking about the topic of prayer, I have been reading Andrew Murray's The Ministry of Intercession. I'm about half way through. It is an excellent book, I highly recommend it.

4. For 'Wisdom Searches' every morning.
These are bible studies that I will be leading for my team. God has really put some stuff on my heart to present to them, but these are things that only His Spirit can really reveal. Pray that they will have eyes to see and ears to hear and that nothing thwarts His plan.

While I'm there I will only be able to communicate through snail mail. I think you should all have my address, but if you don't you can get it from Gracie.

Thanks so much my friends. I'll see you in nine weeks with testimonies of God's goodness.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

there is an I AM and i'm not Him

God has been teaching me again. Actually I believe that He teaches me all the time. Maybe the difference is that I've been learning again.

I quit Christianity. No, I've not converted to Buddhism, Hinduism, Atheism, or Islam. I've just realized that I'm a nothing. I quit, not because I don't believe it anymore, but because I realized that I already wasn't.

Have you ever noticed that if it were possible to be the kind of Christian that we keep trying to become, then we wouldn't have any need of Jesus? Go, read Matthew 5, 6 and 7. This is what a Christian should look like. You who call yourself a Christian, is that what you look like?

If it isn't then what are you going to do? Has God set us up to fail? No. Jesus did come. Matthew 5, 6 and 7 is definitely not a picture of me; but it is a picture of Jesus.

Are we still trying to annul our need of Him, by becoming perfect 'for Him' or 'with His help'? I don't deny that God helps us. But in any other context we think of help as something we only need when we get in really tight spots, every now and then, and often as our last resort. I personally need a lot more than just help.

God has taught me a game. I'll call it the "I'm not I AM" game. I think of something that I'm not and He replies with what He is. Like this:

Me: I'm not loving, I really don't love my family.

God: I AM Love. I AM the only one who can love your family.

Me: I'm not a good friend either. I keep letting people down.

God: I AM the perfect friend. I'll never let you or them down.

Me: God, what am I supposed to do, don't You expect anything of me?

God: I expect only what you are capable of. What can you do?

Me: I can't do anything.

God: Good, then I'll do everything.

Am I crazy? Probably. This is one of the most exciting things that has ever happened to me. I love this game. It may sound silly, but I promise if you try it you will find it very practical. Sometimes I play it with Him just for the sheer joy of hearing Who He is and everything I'm not. But other times I play it as a weapon.

Mom calls me to do something when I finally thought I was done.

Me (through gritted teeth): I'm not respectful, and I don't even want to be obedient.

God (chuckles): I AM, and I AM. I'll do it.

It is amazing, suddenly the fight is over and everything is off me.

I'm not, and I don't ever want to be again.