A Lie or the Truth?

Someone shared this with me recently and it has changed my relationship with God for the better so I thought I’d do my best to share it accurately here.

We all know about the fruit of Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. There are fruits, however that are not of the Holy Spirit. In Genesis 3, the story of when woman and man first agreed with the Deceiver, you can find the fruit of their agreement in their actions. They were ashamed, they were afraid, they hid from God, and they blamed anyone available.

None of those four things, shame, fear, blame or hiding, come from knowing and trusting the Truth. In fact, these things are directly opposed to God’s plans for us. So, when we experience any of these things working in us we know that we have believed a lie and that the Truth as well as release from these things is available to us.

This was especially important to me because I have felt for a while that afraid and hiding presence of God, ashamed of myself in front of him. I knew that this was related to all the lies I had been taught growing up in the name of God. I was taught that he was disappointed and grieved by me and that if I came into his presence he would condemn me.

I knew that these were lies, but I didn’t know how to separate them from God in my mind. I knew that God wasn’t like that but I didn’t know how to stop reacting to him as though he was exactly like that. I was afraid of hearing his voice because I had heard so many lies from what I thought was his voice in the past.

I blamed him for all this too. How could I trust him now when I thought I was trusting him then? I accused him of not protecting me and I couldn’t see any way around these thoughts since they were based on the truth of my experience.

I was asked whether these questions, thoughts, and blame directed at God were producing the fruit of the Spirit or the fruit of deception in me. Well, no question there, they were making me miserable. But I didn’t understand! They weren’t lies, they were relevant questions based on my own life!

Then God gave me a picture/story/idea. You know how in many stories there is an unlikely hero who is more or less guided by a wise, slightly mysterious figure. Think Bilbo and Gandalf or Frodo and Gandalf or Harry Potter and Dumbledore. The hero trusts his guide until some point in the story when the guide is suddenly absent in his time of need.

Then the questions come; sometimes from the hero’s own thoughts sometimes from someone else. I don’t have the books to reference but I seem to remember that Aberforth (Dumbledore’s brother) asks Harry exactly how much he knew about Professor Dumbledore and implies that he might not be entirely trustworthy. Or with Gandalf I mostly remember how he was accused by Wormtongue and Denethor.

The point is that as the reader of the story you know the hero shouldn’t be doubting the guide. You’re reading it thinking, “Don’t fall for that! I know it’s basically reasonable but you really can trust him just like you thought you could!” I assume if you were the hero of the story then it isn’t quite so obvious.

So God spoke to me in this way telling me that my questions were real and valid. They were based on my real experiences. But the Accuser doesn’t only accuse humans, he accuses God as well and these questions, real though they were, came from the Enemy not me.

This made all the difference to me. If they came from me then I couldn’t go on with God until they were satisfactorily answered. But if they came from the Enemy then why would I even give him the satisfaction of having me question God with them? Why would I do even a reasonable thing from his suggestion? I trust God because I know him, not because the Enemy can’t come up with a good sounding reason not to.

Suddenly, I let go of the questions and accusations that I was using as a barrier between God and I. I admit I am still curious, since God said they were valid questions, if he will choose to answer them one day. Ironically, since I was using them as a barrier between us, I don’t think I was actually willing or capable of actually hearing the answers.

I am not at all saying that it is wrong to question God. He can absolutely handle your questions and will often answer them. I’m not saying it’s wrong to be honest with God, he will definitely not be offended. I’m not even saying it’s wrong to rail at God for a while. What I am saying is that if your thoughts toward or about God are making you miserable and creating a barrier between you, you don’t have to let them.

If your thoughts are causing you shame, fear, blame or the desire to hide from God then realize they are lies and you don’t have to agree with them or put up with them no matter how reasonable or logical they sound.

There is also a difference between the facts of a matter and the Truth. The facts of the matter are that virgins don’t ever get pregnant. But the Truth is, one did once. The facts for me were that I was abused in God’s name and didn‘t know how he could be trustworthy. But the truth is that I do trust him and he is trustworthy.

I am not sure that I explained this well since I was trying to keep it reasonably short. If it brings up any questions please ask me.

Warriors and Lovers

A warrior lives deeply. He knows that life is short, that nothing is worth fighting over but some things are worth fighting for. You could accurately interchange the names Warrior and Lover because it is impossible to be one without the other. You can be a fighter, a killer, or a soldier without love but it is impossible to be a Warrior without love.

It is also impossible to love without being a warrior. You can have sex, you can like people, you can enjoy all sorts of things, but you cannot Love without being a warrior.

If you love, you are willing to sacrifice yourself in whatever way necessary and only a warrior’s heart is strong enough to be able to sacrifice itself. But if you are a fighter without a love to fight for than you are an uncontrolled and aimless weapon.

A warrior lays down his life either living or dying for those weaker. This is a great mystery, why do the strong die for those who are too weak to keep themselves alive?

Warriors see the world as it really is and so have hearts full of deep pain, this is what makes their eyes sad and grim. Pain is everywhere. They have the choice to close their eyes to it, but they can’t stand to be willfully blind. They must see clearly. They believe the worst can and should always be faced because the worst is only the inverse of the best.

They would go crazy with despair if this were all they see, but it isn’t. Remember, warriors are lovers and lovers see beauty when no one else can. Warriors don’t fight so much against the pain but rather for the beauty. Warriors know that pain is a fungus, living off of the beauty; it has no life of its own. Where some see only despair, they see hope. If the pain is so great, the beauty it is living off of must be even greater. This is what gives their eyes a smile, in spite of the horrors within and without that they continually live through.

If you don’t understand warriors, or are not one yourself, then you will think that they have buried all emotion. In fact denying their emotions is a common fault among them. The truth is that they are more emotional than everyone else combined but their emotions run deep, fathomless as the ocean. This is their one fear, that their own feelings will sweep them away and toss them about uncontrollably.

The wise overcome this fear with humility. If God would sweep them away on their own emotions then so be it. They are not foolish and hate to be taken as such, but if God would make fools of them with their own emotions then they would gladly face that fate too. They find instead that God does not make fools of them but gives them the very keys to become the warriors and lovers they live to be.

Far from their emotions tossing them about, they find that they propel them very precisely, that they give them greater strength and greater insight. To be unafraid of weakness is to find fearless strength. Do not think that this means you will ever see the depth of their emotions. It is just as likely that you will see the bottom of the ocean. In fact, they will still seem to be particularly unemotional, because they despair of ever truly communicating their emotions at all. You must see them by faith or not at all.

They feel sorrow so deep that it seems they could weep without stopping forever. But they cannot weep forever and any fewer tears seem so inadequate that they may seem to never weep at all. They also feel joy. Joy so encompassing, so true, so fulfilling that heaven itself will spend eternity celebrating it. But here, they have not the time or the means to celebrate it appropriately so in fact, you may only see a content smile and a twinkle in their eye. Joy and sorrow are not mutually exclusive to each other; they are usually full of both.

They feel hope, but this is no light hearted hope, neither is it a hope that wanes or waxes. It is the hope of those who die without obtaining the promises but are assured of what they hope for. They feel the strength of their own hearts. A deadly strength that only gets stronger as time continually assaults it. A strength that is capable of laughing in the midst of despair because it has learned that despair is a grim illusion that will vanish in a moment. They feel desperate but far from panicking, they become even calmer to compensate and so even more deadly.

They are full of compassion and will care for the wounded with a touch more gentle and tender than a Mother’s. Their hearts do not break for themselves, but for you. They are fierce protectors, fiercer than wild animals. Nothing is more dangerous than a lover at war.

Sometimes, they forget that they are not made to love or fight alone. Sometimes they forget that they too have weaknesses that need protection. Sometimes, they are so used to comforting that they don’t realize that they need comforting too. Sometimes they protect so fiercely that they begin fighting the very one they are trying to protect. Sometimes they forget that it is good for those who have healed to become warriors in their own right, that they should not be protected from becoming great.

Every weakness that appears in themselves they throw back to God and between His strength and the protection of those warriors around them, they are an invincible force. The faster they are slain, the quicker they will rise again and claim that God is victorious.

Truly, the spirit of a warrior-lover can only be found in one place and that is God himself. But he has made his bride to be worthy of a warrior as noble as he and so has given her no other spirit than his own.

My friend, I perceive that you are a warrior.

The Front Lines

I believe that there are two realms. One is spiritual; we do not often, if ever, see it. One is the physical, which we are all aware of constantly. Both are important and created by God, but only one will last.

As humans, we are the only beings who constantly inhabit both realms. We are spirit beings walking around in bodies. (If this concept is hard for you then you should watch more fantasy.) The physical world derives its importance solely from its connection to the spiritual, largely through us.

There is a war going on in the spiritual realm, fought by spiritual beings. Like most wars, it is fought on many levels, and Biblically, I could point to a few different reasons it is occurring. That's not my goal at the moment.

I am interested, for now, in the ground the war is being fought over, which in fact, is us. We are where the fighting occurs and the prize for the winner. Interestingly, we are also (arguably) the most dangerous force involved.

Biblically, we have been given more power than the angels as sons of God whose spirits are indwelt by His Spirit. Practically, most of us don't have a clue. Those of us who are catching on still have much to learn. We get the idea that our duty in this war is to fear God and obey Him by generally doing good in this world and telling others about Him. These are worthy goals and things that I personally practice, more or less.

Ever since I was little my life goal was to live right in the middle of the most confused and hurting people I could find, build my house at the gates of hell as one poem talks about, and do good and tell people about Jesus. I have always been frustrated that I was stuck in wealthy America, in a house where everyone knew Christ, and only moved in circles where people had heard the truth. If I was willing to be sent to the front lines, why was I being kept on leave?

As I got older, both physically and spiritually, I was allowed to actually have a hand in the fighting here and there. I still dreamt of really being moved to the front lines when orders came to move to my sister's farm, which is, in my estimation, nowhere near the fighting. One day, I watched Hotel Rwanda. Now there was a picture of the front lines, terrifying, heartbreaking, desperate.

I knew that as I sat on my comfy couch entertaining myself with a movie, similar things continue to happen all over the world. My frustrations rose to God with these words, "Why can't I be there for them?"

"You are here for them." His response took me by surprise. Then He explained by putting pieces of the spiritual puzzle together in my mind in a way that I had never seen before. He reminded me that this is a spiritual war and as such is fought with spiritual weapons.

The weapon or power that trumps all others is to know God Himself. This is not just a requirement for fighting, it is the fighting. Doing every day with God is not only a blessed right as a child of His but is also a thing so powerful that it extends through the cosmos. In the spiritual realm, which is more real than the physical, my everyday choice to walk with God affects every person on the planet. The fact that it doesn't look or feel like it to me or them, doesn't change what is.

I'll admit it's not as glamorous as I had hoped for. It requires that I trust my Commander maybe more than I wanted to. It's totally counter intuitive.

On the other hand, who would complain about such power? How can I be upset that while I chafed at losing time to normality, I was actually already wielding the greatest weapon? How can I be disappointed that instead of traveling over the world, my actions have already reverberated to the farthest reaches of the spiritual realm?

I know that I am not the only Christian who has had this same frustration. I hope that this is encouraging. Tell me, does it ring true in your spirit?

Skipping Tracks

I sat down to post a profound article. The only problem is that my brain is skipping tracks like an old CD player right now.

Track 1 Captives
I see people's pain. Like a person who is good in any field of work or interest recognizes another person who understands the same thing, I recognize people in pain. People who's hearts are broken, bitter, lost, confused. Funny thing is, the people who are in pain don't admit that there is anything else. They are captives who have never heard of freedom.

Track 2 Captivity
Just because someone is capable of giving freedom doesn't ensure the captives get set free. The captives first have to realize that they are captive, that there is something more. Second they have to be willing to walk out of the cage. I don't think there is anything more frustrating and heartbreaking than a captive who is afraid of freedom.

Track 3 A Glimpse of Freedom
God is a person who wants a relationship with us. We've all heard that before, but what does it mean? Think of the good relationships that you have. (Hopefully you have a few, they seem to be rare.) How did they happen? What are they comprised of? Relationship can only happen if two people are willing for the other to know them. The only way to know anyone is to be with them, experience life with them and speak/communicate with them. If you don't believe that God wants to communicate with you on a relationship level it's going to be real hard to get to know Him.

Which more or less brings me back to Track 1

I'm not sure why I'm posting the skipping tracks of my brain, but there they are for the rest of you who need some new tracks to skip on.

The Enemy . . . God's Errand Boy?

It is common among Christians or those familiar with Christianity to ask the question, "If God has won the battle forever, why is the fighting still going on?" I have spent more than my share of time pondering this question myself. I never came up with a satisfactory answer, I just believed both statements without being able to reconcile them. Lately, I have heard more than one person explain it rather well. So, I'm going to try, using my own words but their concepts.

First, God and Satan are not equal powers duking it out in the sky. God created Satan and keeps him in existence. If at any time God willed that he no longer be in existence *poof* that would be the end of him, no fighting or battle necessary at all.

So why does God allow him to keep hanging around!!!

Because God is the ultimate teacher and He knows humanity. He really knows humanity, with a kind of knowing that we only dream about.

If you think about how children learn perhaps you will catch on to why Satan is necessary. Children learn opposites. If you teach a child the color pink, without teaching it any other color then it will awake to the realization that everything is pink and be quite pleased with its knowledge.

None of our words would mean anything unless they had an opposite. Think about anything, color, temperature, emotions, taste, noises. Try to describe any of it without using the opposite or difference of another thing and you have nothing left. That, in itself, puts Satan and evil in a new perspective.

I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. (Isaiah 45:7)

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. (Genesis 50:20)

Is it possible that just as Joseph's brothers plotted evil against him while God plotted the same thing for good, that Satan plots evil against us while God plots good? Is it possible that Satan is an unsuspecting tool that God uses to bring us to Himself?

"It doesn't matter, really, how great the pressure is; it only matters where the pressure lies. See that it never comes between you and the Lord--then the greater the pressure, the more it presses you to His breast." -Hudson Taylor

One last thought: The evil, or suffering that God divinely planned for our lives does not press only ourselves closer to God. I believe that as Joseph tells his brothers ". . .to preserve many people alive." So the suffering in our lives serves a dual purpose, to preserve many alive. As is prophecied in Revelations, "They overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb, and because of the word of their testimony. And they did not love their soul until death." (Revelation 12:11)

Shield Maiden

A shield maiden is essentially a woman who fights, but what does this mean to me?

I originally heard the title in J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of The Rings Trilogy. His female character Éowyn is called a shield maiden. When you first meet Éowyn she is a grown woman who was brought up among and by male relatives. She is the niece of the king, but she is capable of fighting and wants to go to war. When her uncle and brother ride to war she is commanded to stay and rule the people in the event that neither of them return. However, she disguises herself as a man and fights in the army, leaving her country without a leader. During the course of the story she fights a monster, defeating him, but receiving a mortal wound. She is then brought back from the brink of death and has a long stay in the ‘house of healing’ where she meets and begins to love her future husband, a gentle man who is both braver and more dutiful than she.

During her story Éowyn learns that a brave heart is not any less brave because it has no opportunity for glorious deeds. She also learns that a noble heart must learn quietness and humility, understanding that it might never be recognized for what it is or ever get the chance to be proved, to itself or to others.

Perhaps I am the only one that interprets her story in this way. These are things that I have had to learn and now rejoice in.

When I was little, and everyone still thought that I was quiet, I would dream of fighting in wars or meeting impossible circumstances with bold fearlessness and quick thinking. My imaginations usually had to do with war and smooth talking; I also generally thought of myself as a man. I would imagine that I was so confident in myself and my abilities that I did not care what other people thought. If they thought little of me now, I would amaze them twice as much later. I gloried in the 'other people' underestimating me. I didn't have to prove myself to anyone. But I did provide a point in the story where the natural course of events proved my superiority.

As I got older I was drawn to missions; not for the noble reason of saving lost souls from hell, but because missionaries were put in impossible situations. I was drawn to 'adventure.' By their faith in God they triumphed, sometimes through amazing miracles. They were generally unrecognized for how amazing they were, and worked behind the scenes.

I am trying to describe to you some of the very innermost workings of my mind and heart. Most of this is what I thought when I was younger, but these deep desires greatly carry over to who I am today. Today, I hope that my desires are more mature, but the basic things that thrilled me then continue to thrill me now.

As I grow, God is showing me how the real story differs from the one I had made for myself. In the real story of my life I am not allowed to insert that moment when I am recognized as the hero. In the real story when people think I am incapable, they are usually right. In the real story I am more often the prideful braggart than the humble hero.

How can I still call myself a shield maiden? Because as God has been crushing my pride and fantasy, He has also been building me a new, perfect, satisfing story.

In His story for me He is the hero. As I totally embrace this truth He begins to let me in on my role in the story, my role as a shield maiden. I am first one who is filled with the entirety of God. This is where my role derives its worth, and this is as close as I get to being the hero.

The real Hero lives in me and everything I do is an extension of Him living in me. I am called by Him as one who has this great gift of Himself bestowed upon me, to do great things. I assure you, my Hero does not live life without purpose. However He does live it in seemingly mundane ways.

He has not called me to subdue countries, or amaze people, or feed my pride in any way. It does not seem that He calls me to be anything other than normal. I’m just a sister, just a daughter. I have no degree, no great schooling, no unusual talent. I have nothing to show myself or the world that can be recognized as the smallest bit of greatness. I have no hope for future greatness by these standards either; my hope is to love my husband, be a mother, and have a home for unwanted children. None of these set me apart or label me as ‘great.’

Underneath these surface images I am called to something great, something noble, and something that no one can prove or approve but God himself. I am called to be a warrior.

My mission is to know my Captain and love Him. If I fail in this, everything else is futile and others who depend on me will very likely be lost. The extension of my mission is to guide those who are around me to the One I am learning to love.

No one will recognize my actions as unusual. All that will be seen is me living 'normal' life: playing a game with my brothers, spending time talking to a friend, and eventually raising and loving my own children.
Nothing extraordinary.

I am learning not to live by these surface images, which tell me my life is boring and useless, but to live trusting what God tells me. He says all sorts of unusual things about me and the world.

• I wanted to be on active duty in a noble war: He says I am always living in the war zone of the only war that will matter for eternity.
• I wanted to go incognito as a top-secret spy: He says that I am an alien in this land.
• I wanted to be so secure in myself that I did not have anything to prove: He says that I am so secure in Him that only He can prove anything anyway.
• I wanted to be invincible: He says that when I died with Him and He rose again, I became invincible.
• I wanted to be a threat to the enemy: He warns me daily that the enemy recognizes the threat that He is in me.

He rejoices with me that the harder the enemy hits the more joy I have, because there is less of me and more of my God.

To me a shield maiden is a feminine, very dangerous, and usually incognito warrior of Christ.

I believe what He says; I am a shield maiden.