I've never considered my self a sports person, so I was surprised when I realized that what I really want right now is a coach. Someone to coach me through the maze of my health. Who knows what is going on, can point me in the direction I need to go and is capable of planning to get me steadily from point A to point B. Someone who recognizes my limits but knows when to push me harder.
And why stop with health? Why not keep wishing? Why not wish for a life coach? Someone who knows where I want to go (the stars) believes I can get there (even when I don't) and knows what steps to take. Someone who can instill my every action with purpose because it's all part of the plan to reach the goal. Someone who can inspire me when I'm down and can set the bar just a little higher when I'm feeling confident. Someone who can praise me when I do well and correct me when I'm wrong. Someone who sees me more clearly than I can see myself and will do anything to help me succeed from the inside out.
(If you are interested in this job offer, call me. You also need to live in my area and be willing to work for no pay.)
As I began to put words to this desire a growing conviction started rising within me. "God is all I get. Some stranger is not going to knock on my door tomorrow offering to babysit me through life, I'll have to make do with God." I was actually disappointed. Don't laugh too hard, I know you've done the same thing. I didn't really want God, I wanted a coach. I didn't really want God as a coach either, I wanted a human that currently walks the earth.
I knew it was silly, but I also knew it was honest. So I told God that I didn't want Him, got over it, and started planning with my new Coach. I started thinking about what it would look like for God to be Coach. I figured out pretty quickly that He probably wouldn't let me dictate my life goals to Him so I asked Him what our goal would be.
Goal: To know and experience that I (God) can be whomever and whatever I want to be in you.
Close on the heels of the goal came this statement,
Fact: Your flaws are not big enough to stop Me.
This may sound nice and spiritual to you, but I get very nervous when God starts using all inclusive wording such as "whomever" and "whatever". I know that He has carefully considered the boundlessness of this wording and means it in its entirety. I get the feeling of falling into deep space when I try to imagine what these words might or could include.
I want God to only be in me things that look and feel nice. Things that large portions of the world, both secular and Christian can respect. More importantly, I want God to be in me someone who makes me feel reasonably proud of myself. Normal is not good enough. I want Him to be astounding in me. Less than normal, by my measurement is not okay for God to choose.
Oh, well. I did know better than to argue with the goal. At the same time that it scared me, it also sounded pretty good. To know God better, to trust Him even more, to let go of fear, it does sound like a challenging adventure.
For God to be my Coach He had to have a plan and I had to follow it, but I knew that He wasn't going to give me a detailed daily schedule. So we agreed that I will head for the goals I already have, including health, schooling, and work, while keeping in mind the real goal. God, as Coach, will guide me in the way that He always has, I trust Him and step with confidence. He doesn't write up a plan with steps to follow, He lays the next step in front of my feet.
So, the actions of my days have not changed much, if at all. But fear that I might be heading in the wrong direction has left. The feeling of being alone among decisions that were too big for me, has left. The feeling that I am wasting my time one precious moment after another, is gone. I am no longer traversing crazy, random, daily days hoping that I make the right decision for my time. Every decision I make is His responsibility. He is a good Coach and He will do anything to see me reach the goal.
